There are seasons in all our lives when it feels like life “isn’t working,” when life feels broken,
There’s times we might feel betrayed by the good things we did - the things someone told us would add up to a happy ending but didn’t.
Whether from not seeing progress or not sleeping enough, there’s days our “trying” gets tired.
All these things make hope scarce. Elusive. Something we know we should do or even want to do, but can’t remember how. It’s like life squeezed out all our know-how of hope.
I’ve been encountering life “not working” in a specific area of my life lately. I know it’s a feeling and I even know it’s not my whole world - just a very small part - but it makes acting hopeful feel hard.
I used to stay stuck in the hopelessness. But I’ve noticed myself handling it differently this time and listening to how I’ve been encouraging others, who have expressed similar feelings.
And, the “different” is going something like this…
I think hope in action rarely feels like hope.
I think, in the moment, hope feels like desperate,
messy, and “this is all I’ve got” choices.
I think we’re walking out hope when we act
on what we KNOW despite how we FEEL.
I keep thinking about the widow who gave her pennies, the centurion who traveled miles to ask Jesus to heal his servant, the woman who touched the hem of Jesus’ garment, Noah building the ark while his neighbors laughed, and Esther approaching the King unannounced.
We may call their actions hopeful and brave - but if I think about being in their shoes I doubt these actions felt like hope. I bet they felt like a last-resort option and a life-isn’t-working-so-I’m-gonna-give-it-all-I-got choice.
If there was an equation for what hope looking like I think it would be this:
Make space for your feelings + Act on what you know/believe = Hope
They made space for their feelings:
“I love God so much I want to honor Him with my tithe”
“I want to be healed”
“I don’t want my servant to die”
“I want to obey God”
“I want to save my people”
But acted on what they knew:
That God sees a gift no matter it’s size
That Jesus was called the healer
That Jesus cared about people who weren’t Jews
That God does what He says He will do
That positions are given for such a time as this
To walk myself to a place of acting in hope even if I don’t feel it, I’ve started asking myself these four questions:
WHAT ARE MY FEELINGS EXACTLY?
Instead of stressed or overwhelmed:
Frustrated
Discouraged
Lonely
Tired
Scared
Ashamed
Putting a specific name to my feeling gives leverage because I’m able to address my struggle directly. I’m going to take care of my tired-self much differently than my lonely-self, but both could make me feel the big feeling of stressed or depressed.
Does that make sense?
WHAT IS NOT GOING WRONG?
When something in my life isn’t going right I tend to let it color my whole world. Before I know it, running out of heavy whipping cream for my coffee wrecks my whole day (although, not having cream for your coffee is a pretty big deal).
This question keeps my world in perspective by reminding me of the things in my world that aren’t going wrong. One thing going wrong isn’t everything!
WHAT DO I KNOW?
This question helps me create space to embrace what I know without beating myself up for my feelings. I’m allowed to be tired, discouraged, and frustrated. I can even feel those things and still take positive action.
I talk to myself about what I know:
FL is where I am supposed to live.
I have experienced incredible growth in FL
I love the beach life I get to live in FL.
Those are all things I know.
I may FEEL lonely. I may FEEL like it’s taking forever for my life to be EXACTLY the way that I want it to be. But at the end of the day I KNOW: I love it here, I’m growing here, I’m having fun here.
WHAT DO I KNOW TO DO?
Even when hope feels far and life feels hard we often know things we could do that would be help us, move us closer to where we want to be, or bring us joy. Those are the things we need to relentlessly do, even if they’re our “last resort”. This question puts me in the place to do THOSE things.
Continuing with the FL example…
Know: I like sunbathing.
Do: Sunbath 3-5Xs/week.
Know: I like exploring.
Do: Plan one adventure a week and tell your friends when and where you’re going in case they want to join.
Know: I want to write remotely as my career.
Do: What my coach tells me.
I stumbled across this quote once on instagram, actually I only remember part of the quote (and even though i dug through instagram for 30min yesterday I can’t find the whole quote):
Dig your heels into hope.
This vizuale of “digging your heels in” keeps me thinking of how hard and messy it can sometimes be. Life - sadness, depression, hopelessness, anxiety - they pull hard. The harder they pull the harder we need to dig.
It can be messy. Dirt can be flying. But regardless of our feelings we need to act on what we know and believe. It doesn’t mean we ignore or disown our feelings, but it means what we know and believe has the final say.
If you’re reading this and your trying is feeling tired and you’re thinking that maybe you forgot how to hope. Maybe you didn’t.
And even if you did, the sheer fact you made it to the end of this post tells me, you’re holding on - you believe there is more to life than this and you’re willing to look for it. See, that’s hope. Acting on what you know (there is more to life than this) even though you feel tired, disappointed, ready to give up.
Hope rarely feels like hope.
Dig in your heels.
There’s more to life than this.