Well, guess what?! Most of the decisions I make don’t have a right or wrong answer.
Which is all well and good when you’re choosing between the hallmark channel or HGTV, zoodles with shrimp scampi or spaghetti squash with chicken alfredo. But when I’m facing big decisions like whether or not to go on a second date with charming golf professional driving a burnt orange pickup truck or which job to keep, it’s not all well and good. I want there to be a right or wrong answer.
I want there to be an answer with the least amount of pain and the most amount of promise and I want to see it all laid out in front of my so I can choose that answer. The good answer. The right answer.
We can try to blame it on my dance background or first-born syndrome. But the more I bring up decision making the more I see non-dancers, middle siblings, baby siblings, homeschool mommas, and high schoolers getting their pilot’s license struggling with making a decision when there’s no in-your-face right or wrong answer.
Can’t someone just give me a safe decision?!
And that’s when I lean over and whisper, “Just choose.”
“Disconnect yourself from the assumption that you’re decision is final. Very few things in life are irreversible. Sure there are a few, like getting married and having kids. But even going to school and joining the military have a four year change-your-mind-if-you-want-to point.”
So, I just gave you that pep-talk, but the truth is, I give it to myself all the time. As a matter of fact, as I thought through my decision making routine (if you will) I realized that said pep-talk is usually the fourth and final step in my process.
So in case, you’re another human being silently begging life for a safe answer here’s my “decision making routine” take what you can and leave the rest:
Pre-activity instructions
Pros and Cons
Personal checklist
Pep-talk
Guys, I didn’t even try to make them all start with the letter “p.” :D
PRE-ACTIVITY INSTRUCTIONS
My parents used to give my siblings and I pre-activity instructions before we got out of the van - every single time. As a dance instructor of 13 preschoolers, pre-activity instruction was my hero - for 90 seconds at least. And as I’ve been studying emotional eating, neuropathways, and self-esteem for my next book, I’ve been surprised by how important pre-activity instruction is to living out the version of ourselves we want to be.
The pre-activity instructions I give myself when making decisions are:
1) God has a plan for me - there is purpose to and for my life (Jer 29:11)
2) God loves me, nothing I can decide or do will change His love for me (Jn 3:16).
3) God reveals His mysteries to me (Eph 1:9, Col 1:29).
4) God has given me the ability to choose (Ro 12:1-2).
God has revealed His mysteries to me, He has given me a mind to discern, and the Bible to inform me, He expects me to make a decision.
5) God leads me a guides me (Pr 3:5-6, Matt 7:7-11).
This truth comforts most after I’ve made the decision. When I make a decision, especially when there’s no right or wrong answer, I trust that as I walk out my current decision God will reveal whether or not I have made the right decision. I remind myself to stay alert and trust that God will give me the courage to change my decision or stay, as needed.
6) I cannot ruin God’s plans (Job 42:2).
I realize we can unpack this statement in a million ways, so let me explain what I mean by this: I used to be so afraid of accidentally picking the wrong decision, I wouldn’t make one. I would pray and pray and pray, waiting for a 21st-century burning bush, when I just needed to choose. This statement moves me from a place of following God with fear to following Him with faith.
PROS AND CONS
Now that I have my thoughts straight about decision making I ask myself these three questions which usually come in a pros and cons graph (a “Benjamin Franklin,” I think my Dad calls it):
What’s right?
What’s wrong?
What do I want to be known for?
It might sound silly to make a right and wrong list about decisions that aren’t right or wrong, but making this list helps me identify why I keep mulling over the decision instead of just making it. Which sometimes, straight up provides the answer (keyword: sometimes)!
PERSONAL CHECKLIST
So, I’ve finally made it to one or two decisions by this point - hopefully you have too! This checklist is usually reserved for the big decisions like second dates and keeping jobs and is inspired by one of my favorite bible verses: 2 Tim 1:7.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound mind.”
POWER: Have I consulted all the power God has given me to make this decision?
Mentor
Read the Bible
Prayed
LOVE: Am I walking in love with this decision toward ________?
Myself
God
Others (anyone who the decision will impact)
NOTE: Sometimes love towards yourself and others in this circumstance will look like tough love instead of cozy love.
MIND: Am I emotionally spinning?
When I’m emotionally spinning, I don’t share all the details with my mentors and am more likely to slant the story. When I make a decision in my spinning I struggle to feel confident about my decision even if I revisit it at a later time, it lacked the strength from the beginning.
PEP-TALK
Cue the pep-talk I gave you at the beginning of this post:
“Disconnect yourself from the assumption that you’re decision is final. Very few things in life are irreversible. Sure there are a few, like getting married and having kids. But even going to school and joining the military have a four year change-your-mind-if-you-want-to point.”
Oh wow, that was a lot! And because you made it to the end I want to let you know about two things:
If you're in the middle of making a decision I would LOVE to pray for you. Send me a message a tell me a little bit about your decision and I will send you a prayer back!
This spring I created a three week Bible Study on getting clarity from God when you need to make a decision, the eversion is available for $15 - just shoot me a message with your email address!
PC: Stephanie Smole