I was wearing bell bottom jeans and a corduroy blazer over a pink blouse.
My mom smiled her approval and I was off to help my harp instructor tune harps and teach a summer camp.
Because I was given opportunity so young I grew up dressing above my age. My mom coached me in the art of dressing for respect and position. I would never undo those lessons. What I would undo is how my 17 year old brain interpreted those lessons,“If you dress the part and act the part you can might get the part. If you get the part you can keep the part. If you keep the part you’re worth the part.”
While this thinking many not seem costly, the flip of these thoughts is:
What if I dress the part and don’t get the part? Am I not worth the part?
What’s my worth if I dress the part, get the part, but can’t keep the part?
What if I don’t dress the part AND don’t get the part? Am I worth nothing?...
It’s basing my value on what I wear and how I act and how people treat me. It’s building my worth on things that change.
Over the years I saw this be a pattern in my life, anchoring my identity, value, and worth in things I had no control over. I noticed that the people I admired most in my life were the people who seemed to love themselves and value themselves regardless of their circumstance, position, or situation.
And so I set out, to discover who I was whether or not I dressed the part, got the part, or kept the part. I’m showing up today to pass these discoveries on to you:
LET’S SET THE FOUNDATION
We were made in the image of God. That means we do not achieve our identity in Christ (Genesis 1:27). We receive it. It’s already ours. However...
When sin entered into the world our perspective became warped.
Jesus came to redeem us, providing us with a way to renew our minds, giving us the Bible and the Holy Spirit to guide us in all TRUTH (John 14:6), which sets our thinking straight.
So, the question we’re left with is:
How do we renew our minds and realign our
thoughts to believe what God says about us?!
I think of this like a rough gemstone. The rough gemstone is a precious stone - a stone of value. It doesn’t have to go find it’s value. It’s value is there. But the dirt and grime are covering it up. The job is to remove everything that is covering and distorting the stones value.
It’s the same with us. Because we are made in the image of God we are valuable. Our value exists. But sin, lies, and the opinions of others (including our own) cover and distort out value. The job - renewing and realigning - is to remove all those thoughts (every pretense that sets itself up against God) covering and distorting our value so that we can stand on God’s truths.
Here’s my system…
Choose the truth
Be still and know He is God
Internalize it
Walk it out
Persevere and be patient
CHOOSE THE TRUTH
Know the truth and the truth will set you free (John 8:32). I asked God about this verse last night, “How does truth set you free?!” And He reminded me about how I always want to know the right and safe answer (you can read about it here). “Knowing the truth,” He said, “is the closest you can get to knowing the right and safe answer. Because when you know what’s true, you know what’s not.”
So, I consider what I’m struggling with most. I go out of my way to put names to what I’m feeling and be able to write down what I’m telling to myself about myself.
Believe it or not I often struggle with feeling unwanted. I know this is an untrue thought, but it’s still a strong thought. This feeling often comes to me in thoughts like “she thinks I’m high maintenance,” “I’m too driven.”
Some of these thoughts might be true. But the poison is in what I link these thoughts to, “she thinks I’m high maintenance and doesn’t want me around,” “she doesn’t want to hang out with me because I’m too driven”.
Did you see how feeling none of my thoughts were “I’m not wanted” or “I’m unwanted”?! I actually had to think about what I was thinking about before I was able to point out that my feeling was that of being unwanted.
Then I find a Bible verse about God wanting me. I am a wanted person (okay, not in the wanted-poster-kinda way).
ACTION STEP: Find yourself some truths by looking through this PDF from Neil Anderson’s “Victory Over the Darkness” or start like I did with Ephesians 1:2-14.
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD.
Okay, I know this might feel like a tangent, but when I’m not actively acknowledging God as the God I say He is, I don’t give His truths as much weight in my life. Telling God who He is (or rather reminding my soul who God is), singing a worship song, or spending a few moments meditating on who God says He is goes a long way in me being able to walk out the identity I have in Him.
INTERNALIZE IT.
I do this in several ways (I typically pick one method and use that):
Paraphrase. The first time I did this I made a commitment to re-write Ephesians 1:2-14 everyday in my own words for a month. I needed them to sink in, to become part of me, replace untrue thoughts, and become more comfortable than the lies I was believing.
Memorize. When I struggled unhealthy eating patterns and body image I heard of a girl who learned to walk in freedom by memorizing scripture. So I picked a passage that talked specifically about how God wanted us to receive food and memorized it. I did not experience an overnight transformation, but this was the season my mind experience renewal in this area of my life for the first time. To this day, I still remind myself of these verses when struggling with food or body image.
Talk to myself about this truth. Sometimes we need to create space in our minds for a new thought. Our minds are created to think the easiest thought. The easiest thought would obviously be the one we have most often thought. So, if you’re introducing a new thought - even if it is positive - sometimes it’s so foreign you actually have to create thoughts around it so that there is space for the thought to stick.
Going off of my “unwanted” story above here’s an example: We all have quirks. People are allowed to notice things about me that are imperfect - they may (and do) point them out. That doesn’t make me unwanted. That doesn’t even mean they don’t want me. I hang out with people who do things differently than I would (ahem, handle things in ways I wish they wouldn’t) and I still like those people!
ACTION STEP: Here’s a 5 day devotional designed with different journaling assignments on each day. The hope is that through unpacking one verse in a different way each day you will internalize it maybe even commit it to memory!
WALK IT OUT.
I start by visualizing myself living out this new truth. Ephesians 1:4 says that God chose me since the beginning of time. I am chosen. I imagine myself picking up the phone for my business call today. What will I say if I believe I am chosen to help others grow their business? How will I encourage her? How will I CHOOSE to feel if she doesn’t hire me knowing I am still chosen by God?
This is the newest part of my “own my identity in Christ” system. I used to just do some sort of devotional and launch into my day. But if I don’t first think about how the truth changes the way that I live, I have trouble living it out (so I would argue that this is the MOST IMPORTANT STEP to owning your identity in Christ - own it in your imagination first).
PERSEVERE AND BE PATIENT
My coach handed me a wall ball a while back, “This is heavier than what you’ve been using so you’re gonna catch it weird and not hit the line every time. That doesn’t make it wrong, that makes it new. You’re capable of managing this weight, but your body has to learn how to do it.”
It’s the same with owning your identity in Christ. It’s been covered up with lies and grime a long time. Our brains are wired to take the easiest path which means thinking thoughts it’s used to thinking. You are capable of owning your identity in Christ, but your mind has to catch up. Walking out your identity in Christ requires you to learn new thoughts - true thoughts, but new thoughts - and your brain has to learn to make them easy thoughts.
Owning our identity in Christ is something we grow into, remember, we’re removing the dirt and grime from our rough yet precious gemstone?!
YOUR TURN
Here’s how to apply all that teaching:
Read through this PDF. Circle or write down 2-3 truths that make you feel, “I really want to believe this about myself.”
Commit to rewriting one or all of them everyday (or us the 5 day devotional) for a week. Go the extra mile and commit to 5 days a week for a month (this gives you 2 days a week to make up if you miss, because life happens).
For each devotion start by praising God (you can write down three “God you are ________”s in your journal or listening to a worship song). End the rewriting/devotion using this three minute meditation imagining yourself owning your identity in Christ.
I’ve traded bell bottoms and a corduroy blazer for skinny jeans or a flowy dress. Flip flops are my go-to. And if I can take phone calls wearing my robe or answer emails wearing my bathing suit I will.
I’ve smiled at myself in the mirror a few times realizing I’ve become the person I used to admire. Someone who likes herself regardless of other people choosing her, regardless of her status in life. That doesn’t mean I don’t have days I wonder if I’m wanted. I do. And those are the days I go back to this system. I dig through the Bible to find truth to rub off the lies and grime so I can own the part Jesus gave me, again.
The part where God says I am the daughter He wants (Eph 1:4-7).
The part where God says that I am considered blessed even by the angels (Eph 1:3).
The part where God says He has good plans for me and makes a way for good things to happen to me (Rom 8:28).
It’s a journey to own the parts that don’t change; the parts that are true because of God’s uncompromising character, not because of what I wear or others think. And you my friend can learn to own these parts, too.
“It is not what I have done or has been done to me that determines who I am. Rather it is who I am [in Christ] that determines what I do, and how I live. My identity in Christ is not achieved; it is received. It is the unshakable ground upon which I build my life. I will not build my life upon circumstances, or what others or even my own destructive thoughts say of me - but rather what God says about me.”
An excerpt from Victory Over the Darkness: Realizing the Power of Your Identity in Christ, by Neil T. Anderson